i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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