I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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