my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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