Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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