Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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