I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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