I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
