Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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