So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
