can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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