i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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