You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she peed on how many people?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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