She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You dont lie about slip and slides
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
