Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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