I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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