I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
