Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Randomize