Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
