Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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