you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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