She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
