dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
