New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
