i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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