a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Randomize
