im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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