Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize