he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
