do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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