the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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