my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
