somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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