why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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