her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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