Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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