Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
