youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
