so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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