so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
