TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
