Someone shit on the floor
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
