My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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