My room smells like vodka and shame
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You were trust falling into bushes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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