Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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