This house was built for laser tag.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
