Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize