I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize