i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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