A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
