I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize