ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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