I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
