I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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