My brain says no but my pants say off.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
