Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize