Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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