I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
