There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
