and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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