So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Two words: blizzard sex
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
