We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
