Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
