We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
as a side note pls kill me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
