Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
