i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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