im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
