What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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